I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
