i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
