I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He shit in the fireplace
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
