he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I have aggressive nipples.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
