WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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