happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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