I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
