Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
