I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
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