I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
