I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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