just come out here and I will go home with you...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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