She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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