I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
