My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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