i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
