I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
