You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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