Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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