Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
