I am puke
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
