go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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