ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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