We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
