I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
