My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
