found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
And then the night went full on bisexual.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
