I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
