Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
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I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
how drunk are you?
Several
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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