you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
