oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
