What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
