new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
