there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
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I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
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It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
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