Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
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i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
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Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
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