I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
