I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
