Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
