he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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