Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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