Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
