My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Randomize
