do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
