I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Your penis caused this!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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