WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
