i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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