Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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