....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
