So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
