I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
