i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
