if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
