I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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