i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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