HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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