I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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