Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
