yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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