remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
