he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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