the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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